A Goblin-Forged Lily
by FallIntoTheGrey
Summary: On a delicate goblin-forged silver chain, an enchanted lily charm blooms with each touch, a reminder of Severus's love for his Lily.


_**Hello all. This is my first (and possibly only) Harry Potter story, but Snape and Lily were one of the first non-canon couples I shipped, so this was my way of expressing that love for them. I'm know it's not perfect and I know that some of the references will be incorrect, but I am not a religious Harry Potter fan, so I don't know all of the small nuances. If there are mistakes, I'm sorry.**_

_**Anyways, please read, enjoy, and review. I always appreciate constructive criticism. **_

_**Thanks, **_

_**Grey**_

* * *

A cool spring breeze ruffled Lily Evans' deep red hair as she folded her emerald green dress robes and stowed them in her trunk for the final time. Tomorrow, she and the rest of the seventh years would walk through the doors of Hogwarts Castle, return home on the Hogwarts Express, and emerge into the world, experiencing life for the first time without the comforting shadow of school over them. Lord Voldemort was growing stronger day by day and Lily couldn't think of leaving Hogwarts without her stomach knotting with worry. For herself, surely, but more so for James and his friends. They were so quick to rush into danger, with no concern for their safety.

Lily dropped to her knees to clean out the clothes and other knick-knacks that had fallen to the bottom of her wardrobe. After pulling a crumpled old cloak out, something shining in the bottom right corner caught her green eyes. She pulled it out and, with a stab to her chest, realized that it was the bracelet Severus had given her two years prior, before the awful 'mudblood' incident. Hanging from the delicate, goblin-forged chain was an enchanted lily charm. When her fingers brushed against the pink petals, it bloomed, releasing a sweet scent into the air. She inhaled deeply and a smile lit her face. That smile quickly turned to a frown, however, as the worry she had felt earlier nearly doubled with the thought of Severus. She still cared about him, she had never stopped caring about him, even when he had called her a mudblood. But while she had become more firmly intrenched with the Marauders, he had delved deeper into the Dark Arts. Her greatest fear was that he would become a Death Eater and she would lose the boy she had always loved and would always love to Voldemort.

She tried to push the sickening feelings from her as she carefully placed the bracelet in her trunk, next to her other troubling piece of jewelry. A few days prior, after their final N.E.W.T. exams, James had pulled her up to the seventh floor, into a secret room the Marauders had found in their fifth year. He kept muttering under his breath something about hoping the room understood what he wanted as he walked past what appeared to be a stretch of empty wall three times. Lily just looked at him curiously, until an ornate door suddenly appeared before her. Despite her seven years in the castle, the sight still shocked her. Glee lit James' face as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the room. Relief spread over his face as he looked around the room, Lily following closely behind him. The room was decorated simply, with a fire blazing and candles burning all around. A small picnic for two appeared in the middle of the room, right in front of the fire. James led her to it and there they lounged for several hours, drinking butterbeers and eating treacle tart, Lily's favorite dessert in the world. They discussed the end of their time at Hogwarts and what they hoped to do in the future before the conversation turned serious.

"Uh, Lil," James started, tousling his already messy hair, "could I ask you something?"

"Of course, James," she said with a light laugh, pulling his hands away from his hair. "You can ask me anything."

"You know that I love you. I have for years. That's why I was always such a toerag - that's what you called me, isn't it? - I was trying to impress you. And then this year, you finally let me take you on a date. So here we are."

"Here we are," Lily repeated, smiling at him.

"Now we're leaving Hogwarts and I don't want to lose you, Lily. You don't have to make a commitment right now or give me an answer, but I couldn't leave school without asking you this."

"James, just ask me," she urged. James looked at her sheepishly from under his eyelashes, before pulling his hands out of hers. He reached into his back pocket and produced a small box.

Lily's eyes widen to the size of saucers when she realized what it was. Her hands flew to her mouth, which hung open in surprise.

"James, what are you doing?" she squeaked, muffled behind her hands.

He smiled up at her, before shifting so he was on one knee and opening the box, revealing a small, yet beautiful, engagement ring.

"Lily Evans, you are the most important person in my life. I love you with all of my heart and I can't imagine life without you. Will you make me the happiest wizard in world and become my wife?"

For several minutes, Lily was too shocked to speak. When she finally recovered her voice, she stared blankly at the ring for several more minutes. "James, I love you. You know I love you. But we're only seventeen. How can we get married right now?"

"We don't have to get married right now," James said quickly. "I should have said that in the first place. I don't want to get married right now. This is just a, uh, a promise, I guess you could say. A promise that you will be mine and I will be yours. Someday."

"Oh, thank Merlin!" Lily exclaimed, her features flooding with relief.

"I'll try to not be offended," James replied with a smirk.

"No, I didn't mean it like that," she amended, "I just don't want to get married so soon. I want to leave school, find a job, figure out my life before I get married. Besides, can you imagine what my parents would say? My dad still doesn't really like you. Always mutters something about you not owning a comb when I bring you home."

"Yeah, I should probably try to clean up a little more next time I see him," James said, trying to flatten his hair.

"Don't," she pulled his hand away, "I like your hair like that." She leaned in and kissed him lightly, feeling him smile against her lips.

When he pulled away, he stood quickly, pulling her up with him. He slipped the ring onto her left ring finger, grasped her other hand and led her back to the Gryffindor common room, where they were greeted by whoops from Sirius and Peter and a polite congratulations from Remus. Lily indulged them for a quarter of an hour, before feigning exhaustion and escaping to her dormitory after pecking James quickly on the lips. But James was having none of that. He grabbed her waist, pulling her into him and capturing her mouth fully. She finally pulled away from him and hurried up the stairs, followed by catcalls from the other Marauders.

When she reached her dormitory, she sank onto the bed and stared at the ring for another fifteen minutes. Then, she pulled it from her finger, placed it back in the velvet box, and stowed it in her trunk, where it now sat, next to the bracelet from Sev. Looking at the two, she picked up the bracelet again and quickly fastened it around her wrist when she heard footsteps coming up to the room.

"Lily," Alice popped her head into the room, "there's someone waiting for you in the common room."

Lily looked at her quizzically for a second before closing her trunk and following her down the stairs. She figured it had to be James being James. She grabbed the Daily Prophet sitting on Mary's bed as she passed, shuddering at the picture of the Dark Mark in the sky above Big Ben. She quickly became absorbed in a story on recent Muggle killings in a quiet suburb. A mother and her three children had been killed. Their smiling, unmoving faces made her stomach clinch.

"James, I told you I would be down later," she muttered, not looking up from the paper. That was until she noticed the shoes of the person from under the paper. James would not wear such ratty looking trainers.

She lifted her head and her striking green eyes met deep black pits. Sev. Seeing him made her heart clench even more than the Prophet article had.

"Oh, Sev, it's you," she mumbled, placing the paper on a side table. It promptly fell onto the ground.

"Uh, hi," he said, running a hand through his stringy, black hair while Lily picked the paper up.

"What are you-?"

Lily's question was interrupted by the entrance of Sirius.

"Oh, Gryffindor common room, how I will miss thee!" he said with a flourish before his eyes fell on the one person who didn't belong. "I won't miss you, though, Snivellus. Who let you in here, anyway? I didn't think your kind were allowed."

"My kind?" Snape shot back. "You mean the kind that actually have brains in their heads instead of a whole bunch of frog spawn."

"No, I mean the kind that don't believe in personal hygiene."

Severus' face flushed crimson before Alice interjected, "Lay off it, Black. I let him in."

"Why would you do a thing like that, Cragg? Snivelly will just grease up the common room, you should have known that."

"Because, Black, we're about to leave Hogwarts and I figured on our last night here, we could all set aside our differences long enough for him to stand in the common room for the few moments it took me to get Lily. If anything, you are the one who has delayed his exit and should be held responsible for any unlikely mishap that occurs because of his continued presence here."

"Come on, Sev, let's get out of here," Lily whispered before grabbing his hand and pulling him to the portrait.

Sirius continued to shoot reproachful looks at Alice until he noticed their retreating figures. "Don't let him drown you in his grease, Evans," he called as the portrait swung closed.

They walked in silence down the dimly lit hall, the only sounds coming from their shoes and Peeves banging away somewhere above them.

"Listen, I'm sorry about Sirius," she started awkwardly, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

"I should have expected as much, going to the Gryffindor common room. I should have just waited outside like I originally planned, but Alice walked past and said I could wait inside while she fetched you. I didn't even say I was waiting for you, she just knew."

"Alice is observant like that. She'll make a fine Auror some day."

They sunk back into the awkward silence again, sneaking glances at each other every few moments.

"Sev," Lily began several minutes later, "why do you have a cloak? It's June."

"Oh," he muttered, looking down at the black cloak draped over his left arm, "uh, I left it in Professor Flitwick's classroom and had to go get it. I just haven't been back to my dormitory yet."

"Oh," Lily said simply before they fell silent again.

"I'm sorry -"

"I'm sorry -"

They both looked at each other and burst into giggles. "Go ahead," Lily said finally when her laughter ceased.

The smile on Severus' face was rapidly replaced by a frown. He ran a hand through his hair before heaving a large sigh. "I just wanted to say how sorry I am. About what happened two years ago. I never meant to call you what I did."

"I know, Sev. You were angry and embarrassed, I understand. I forgave you for it almost as soon as you said it. More so after you sat outside the common room."

"Then, why did you stop talking to me? I haven't seen you for more than a few passing moments in the corridors for two years."

"Because I couldn't stand you hanging around with Avery and Mulciber. They're evil, Sev, I've told you that before. And you're so much better than them."

Severus opened his mouth as if to dispute her, but quickly closed it with her last statement. Could she really think that about him?

"But I have noticed you don't really hang out with them anymore," she continued.

"Yeah, they want to do something different than me when we leave school," he confirmed. "So you really do forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you, Sev," she said, reaching up a hand to place on his arm. The flash of torch light on her bracelet caught his eyes and he caught the charm in his hand, looking at it incredulously. At his touch, the lily sprang open.

"You kept it?" he said breathlessly, his black eyes meeting her green ones.

"Why wouldn't I have kept it?"

"Well, um, I just thought with everything that happened between us, you would have gotten rid of it. Since you didn't seem to want to look at me."

"Sev, this is the nicest gift anyone has ever given me. I wouldn't have gotten rid of it just because I was mad at you."

Severus searched her face for a few moments before she turned from him again, her cheeks flushing with his scrutiny.

The sun fell as they walked, so that when they finally wandered into the Astronomy tower, the sun had nearly set. They leaned on the railing and gazed over the lake and forest as stars began to wink at them from above.

"I can't believe we're leaving tomorrow," Lily finally said, looking fondly around her.

"I know," he replied, his eyes trained on her instead of the grounds, "it seems like we only just started here. And now we have to leave."

"But it's a good thing, Sev. Now we can go out into the world."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Severus muttered, looking down at his feet.

Lily looked at him questioningly, but decided not to push him.

"So what do you want to do now that we're leaving Hogwarts?" he asked moments later.

"I don't know. I thought of being a healer."

"Like at St. Mungo's?"

"No, I don't really want to go to St. Mungo's. Maybe I could work here, like Madam Pompfrey."

"You'd be good at that. You'd be patient with all of the students and you're always so kind, even if someone is being ridiculous. You'd be able to handle all of the stupid first-years who jinx each other on accident."

"Sev, that's mean," Lily said sternly, but her playful eyes told him she didn't mean it.

"See what I mean? Unfailingly kind and forever defending those who can't stand up for themselves. Like me." He nearly whispered the last words, ducking his head so a curtain of black hair hid his face from her.

"Wait!" Lily suddenly exclaimed, causing Severus to jump slightly.

"What? What is it?" he demanded, a slight amount of fear alighting his eyes while he searched the castle gates as if expecting Death Eaters to swarm upon it.

"Sev, didn't you say at one time that you wanted to become Potions master?"

"A few years ago, yeah."

"Sev, that'd be perfect!" she cried, her eyes sparkling. "You could be Potions master and I could work in the hospital wing. Sev, we could be together!"

He stared at her for a few moments, his mouth slightly agape. "But what about Potter?" he finally sputtered.

"What about James?" Lily questioned lightly, not understanding his question.

Severus turned from her suddenly when his face flamed, jamming his hands in his pockets and hunching his shoulders.

"Sev," Lily said quietly and placed a hand on his shoulder, knowing she needed to tread carefully when he got like this, "what is it?"

"You said we would be together," he grumbled.

"What?"

"You said we would be together!" he raged and spun on her, causing her to jump back.

"Oh," she murmured, "oh, oh no, Sev, I didn't mean _together_ together. I just meant that we could work together. We could be best friends again."

The look in Severus' eyes chilled Lily's blood. It was as if he was glaring into her soul. A dementor's kiss could be nothing like what she felt staring into those black eyes now filled with malice. He let out a frustrated half-growl before pushing off of the railing and moving across the tower away from her. She followed him cautiously.

"Sev, what's wrong? You're scaring me," she whimpered.

He stood with his back to her, his narrow, pale hands clutching at his head. They then fell to the railing, leaving his hair sticking up haphazardly. He clutched the metal so tightly that his knuckles turned even whiter and veins stuck out on his pale arms. He muttered under his breath something that sounded like 'Snape, you're an idiot."

"Severus, please tell me what's wrong!" Lily pleaded, pulling at his shoulder. His hands covered his face as he reluctantly turned to her.

"Please." Her melodic voice echoed through the tower.

His hands dropped to his sides and Lily could see the tears gathered in his eyes. His face shone with anguish as he clutched at his head again.

"Sev, please."

"I love you!" he suddenly yelled, as if an explosion had gone off inside of him. "I have loved you ever since I saw you all those years ago at the park back home, animating that flower. I have never stopped loving you and I never will. It nearly destroyed me when you refused to speak to me. I thought you hated me and I couldn't bear to live with you hating me. I had to tell you before we left. I couldn't leave and risk never seeing you again without telling you how I felt. But I love you, Lily. I've finally told you."

"Sev-" Lily began, but Severus' crushing lips cut off the rest of her words. His hands grasped her forearms, pulling her into his slender body, as his mouth moved against hers. The shock kept Lily stationary for a few moments, but the earnest love that radiated from him soon enveloped her and she wrapped her arms around his neck, her hands knotting in his hair.

He was unlike James in every way, her foggy brain registered distantly. James was brawn; Severus was brains. James was popular and outgoing; Severus was quiet and distant. James was her newfound lover; Severus was her oldest and dearest friend. When James kissed her, it was as if she was another prize, another possession to add to his collection. When Severus kissed her, she was a rare treasure, something to be revered and cherished.

He held her like he might break her, his fingers ghosting over her arms and down her back, before resting on her waist. She moaned lightly into his ear when his lips dropped to her neck, which made him pull her closer.

"Lily," he breathed, "beautiful, beautiful Lily." Her knees turned to pudding with his words and she clutched at his shoulders to stay upright. All of his love spilled forth with the simple sound of her name on his lips.

Lily dropped her hands to the hem of his shirt, pulling it swiftly over his head. He groaned against her lips as her hands traveled up his abdomen, feeling the ridges of the ribs that poked through the skin.

"Severus," she whispered, her hands on his cheeks, her green eyes staring into his black ones, "I love you, too. "

His eyes widened with disbelief, a small smile playing at his lips. She smiled up at him and captured his lips again. He picked her up in surprisingly strong arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He walked slowly to the pile of cushions Professor Alioth sometimes used when the class was waiting for some clouds to pass. They fell back on them in a tangle of limbs, their lips never parting. Their clothes were hastily discarded, but still they never parted. Severus eventually pulled back, admiring the woman beneath him, hardly believing she was there. The skin on her heaving chest looked milky and her hair was spun with silver in the moonlight. She was beautiful, the most beautiful creature he had ever beheld, and she loved him.

"Lily," he whispered huskily into her hair, his voice full of love and desire, as she gave herself to the man who meant everything to her and always had.

* * *

The early rays of sunlight streamed in on the lovers, illuminating them in their embrace. Severus sighed contentedly as he gently stroked Lily's hair that was splayed across his bare chest, the deep red strands catching the dawn light so they appeared doused in fire. He had never been so happy in his entire life, with the woman he adored sleeping soundly in his arms, her warm, naked body pressed against his under the cloak he was suddenly so happy he had retrieved.

He had bared his soul to Lily and she hadn't shunned him like he had expected. Instead, she had told him that she loved him too. And in that night under the stars, he had never felt so complete. She was the only person who could make him feel so entirely normal, and he relished that normalcy.

He pressed a kiss to her hair, and Lily's eyes fluttered open, a sleepy smile on her lips. "Good morning," she said softly, stretching her lithe body against his. He shuddered slightly when her leg slipped between his. Her smile grew when she felt his sudden movement and she pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

"How did you sleep?" he asked, brushing her messy hair from her face.

"You mean once you let me sleep?" she teased and his cheeks burned. "I slept fine. Wonderfully, actually. I don't think I've ever slept that well. It must have been the pillow I was sleeping on," she laughed lightly, her fingers trailing up his chest, making him shutter again.

"You really should stop doing that," Severus growled, pulling her hand away.

"And why's that?" she asked with a smile.

"Because we have a train to catch, my love, and I don't want to make us late." He captured her lips once again, nipping lightly at her bottom lip.

Lily's eyes grew unfocused with his touch, and she deepened the kiss, forcing her tongue into his mouth. It was Severus who reluctantly pulled away. With a humph, Lily settled back onto his chest, pulling his right arm over her waist and entwining her fingers with his.

"I can't believe we're leaving Hogwarts today," she finally sighed, continuing to play with his fingers.

"I wouldn't have wanted to spend my last night here any differently," Severus muttered, so quietly that Lily felt it through his chest more than she heard it.

"Neither would I," she agreed, lifting his left hand to her lips and placing a warm kiss on his palm.

Before Severus could pull his arm away, her eyes lighted upon the black symbol that had been recently, and now most regrettably, branded there. "Sev, what is that?"

He pulled his arm from her grasp before she could recognize the mark. "Uh, it's nothing," he said as he shifted away from her, pulling his boxers and jeans back on.

"Sev, did you get a tattoo? A Muggle tattoo?" she asked urgently, her eyes looking mockingly up at him. "I don't believe it. You hate everything Muggle. When did you get it?"

"Just a few weeks ago," Severus said slowly, guilt turning his stomach over.

"How could you have? You would have had to get it during a break and I know you didn't go home from Easter break. You were studying for the N.E.W.T.s like the rest of us."

"I didn't get it during Easter break."

Lily's face twisted in puzzlement as she pushed up onto her elbows. Her heart sank as realization suddenly struck her. But he couldn't have, could he? He said he had stopped hanging out with Mulciber and Avery. She hadn't heard about him practicing the Dark Arts as much. So could the dark symbol she hadn't noticed the night before really be what she thought it was? Could he really be a ...?

"Severus," her voice turned grave, "show me your arm."

"Lily, please."

"Severus, show me."

His face twisted with guilt when he placed his arm in her waiting hands, the Dark Mark sharp against his pallid skin.

Lily's chest constricted so sharply that she struggled to draw breath. A dull roar began in her head and she pushed his hand away as if it burned her.

"Lily-" He placed a hand on her shoulder, but she sprang out of his grasp, pulling the cloak tightly around her and scrambling away so that the pile of cushions lay between them. She pressed her hands to her chest, struggling to breathe around the giant lump forming in her throat.

"How could you?" she screeched, tears streaming from her eyes. "How could you become a Death Eater?"

"Lily, please, just listen to me. This isn't what it seems like."

"It's not! Severus, you have a Dark Mark branded on your arm. Is it fake? Are you not really a Death Eater?"

"No," he mumbled, his gaze dropping from her fiery eyes to his bare feet.

"Then how is this not what it seems?"

He remained silent, unable to meet her eyes.

"Why?" she whispered.

"Because I lost you. When you refused to speak to me, I dove into the Dark Arts. It was the only thing I had to live for anymore. It was the only way I could stand to see Potter with his hands on you!"

"Don't blame this on me, Severus! I did not force you to call me a mudblood. I did not push you into the Dark Arts. You chose that for yourself."

"Only because I didn't have you. Lily, you were the one who kept me in the light. And when you were gone, my goodness left with you. So I turned to the Dark Arts."

"Don't make me your saviour, Severus. And don't say that there is no goodness in you. There is. Or, at least, there was once. There was goodness in the little boy in the park who told me I was a witch. There was goodness in the boy who sat with me on the first train to Hogwarts. And there was goodness in the man I fell in love with. But you're not that man anymore, Severus. Not if you're a Death Eater. I don't know who you are now."

"I'm still the same person, Lily. I promise I am," he pleaded with her, his hand cupping her cheek.

"NO!" she screamed, ripping his hand from her face. "No, you're not! You can't be! You're evil!"

"How can you say I'm evil?" he questioned, his eyes squinting with such sudden rage that he had never felt towards her before. "How can you say I'm evil when you just spent the night with me? When you said not six hours ago that you loved me? Was I not a Death Eater then?"

"I didn't know then. I thought you were different. You haven't been hanging out with Mulciber and Avery and I hadn't heard about you practicing dark magic, so I thought you had changed."

"So you only love me, you will only sleep with me, when you think my friends and my interests suit your ideals."

"That's exactly right," she seethed, "because I don't make it a habit of sleeping with the people I am trying to send to Azkaban."

"What?" he asked, disbelief clear on his features.

"I'm a member of the resistance, Severus. I'm fighting against Voldemort. A lot of us are."

"No, Lily, you can't do that," Severus suddenly pleaded, his face turning white with fear.

"Well, I'm going to. I would rather die than live under Voldemort's rule."

"No, you don't understand. The Dark Lord only wants to make the world better for wizards, all wizards. He doesn't want us to have to hide anymore. We'll finally take our rightful place in the world."

"Are those the lies he has been feeding you, Severus? Voldemort wants to 'purify' the world by killing off all of the Muggles and the Muggle-borns. Don't you understand, Severus? He wants to kill me."

"No!" he yelled, "no, that's not what he wants to do. He wouldn't. He wouldn't hurt you."

"Please," she spat, "he wouldn't bat an eye at killing me. I'm just another mudblood, aren't I?"

"Don't say that!"

"But it's true. Why deny it?"

"He wouldn't hurt you, Lily. I wouldn't let him. He plans to use me and I'll tell him I won't do what he asks unless he spares you."

"Don't be naive, Severus," Lily rolled her eyes. "Voldemort won't spare me. He won't spare anyone."

"I don't believe you. I won't."

"Fine, but I won't be there when you find out that I was right all along."

"W-what?" Severus stuttered, his heart squeezing in his chest.

"What, you expect me to stay with you? You must be joking. I would never stay with a Death Eater. I would never have a family with a Death Eater. We'd all be dead within the hour. I would be signing my death sentence to stay with you."

"Don't say that!" he screamed, gripping her arms with such force she knew she would have bruises there later.

"But it's true, Severus."

"Lily, please, don't leave me. I love you!"

"And I love you, too, Severus," she said, her eyes softening.

"Then we can leave, hide away together. I won't be a Death Eater. We can go somewhere, leave the country. We can find a home, create a life. We can be together."

"No, Severus, we can run with a price on our heads. Voldemort is already targeting me and he won't let you leave. You know what happened to Sirius' brother."

"But we'll be together!"

"Until he kills us! We'll be together in the grave longer than we're together in life."

"Lily, please. I would do anything for you, if you'll only stay with me. I can't breathe without you, I can't live without you."

Lily's heart broke with the love she saw in his eyes. But she could not ignore the betrayal and the fear she felt. No matter what he said, he was still a Death Eater. He still believed what Voldemort said and supported the destruction of Muggles and Muggle-borns, as long as she wasn't included in that group. But would he always feel that way? What would keep him from turning on her?

His visible devastation gave her her answer. He wouldn't turn on her. He would rather die than do that. But what would keep his friends from doing so? They would find out he was living with a mudblood, she would be killed, and he would be labelled a blood traitor and meet the same fate. No, there was no way, no matter how they tried to work it, that they could ever be together.

Fresh tears streamed down Lily's face and her form shook horribly as she turned from Severus, unable to look at him through her bleary eyes. Severus, taken aback by this sudden intensification of emotions, stared at her shaking form, unsure of how to react. They stood in complete silence, a giant chasm growing between them.

"Lily," Severus murmured, his voice wavering.

She sobbed loudly at the sound of his voice, at the sound of her name wrapped in his love. He couldn't breathe without her; she didn't know how to breathe with him. Not now. Mere hours before, she finally felt like she could breathe freely, but now, now what? Now, the man she loved terrified her. Now being with him would mean both of their deaths. And she couldn't do that, not to him. Even if she loved him. Even if he loved her.

But leaving, walking out of the Astronomy Tower right now, would mean she would never see him again. Walking away right now meant that she would go back to James, get married, and have a family, all while loving the man who could spell their demise. Could she do that to James? Could she do that to herself?

She had to. It was the only way to protect herself. And it was the only way to protect Severus. He wouldn't walk away from her and he would die because of her. The thought of Severus dying made her chest ache, and that was why she had to do what she did next.

Turning back to him, her eyes red and puffy with tears, her cheeks still wet, she took him gently in her arms and pressed a kiss to his mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and savored the feel of his hands on her body, knowing it would be the last time.

"I love you," she whispered between kisses, "I will always love you."

She pulled away, gripping his hands tightly in his. "Be safe," she said, kissing his left check. "Be strong." She kissed his right cheek.

"Lily, what are you doing?" he asked quietly, squeezing her hands, his eyes puzzled.

"Goodbye, Sev."

She picked up her clothes, gave him one last teary look, and padded out of the room.

"Lily?"

His question followed her, bringing about a fresh wave of tears.

"Lily!"

She could hear the hysteria building in his voice.

"LILY!"

She started running, leaving the man whose world was shattering behind her.

She ran the entire way back to the Gryffindor common room, the torches on the walls guttering as her wake buffeted them. She arrived breathless at the Fat Lady's portrait, and had to hiss the password 'priori incantatum' quite forcefully to wake her. She sputtered awake before looking disdainfully down upon Lily and her lack of clothing.

"My word, child, look at you. The shame of it," she said condescendingly, her pudgy face turning red. "In my day-"

"Will you shut it, please!" Lily suddenly yelled, trying to push down a fresh wave of sobs that were creeping up her throat. "Let me past."

"Children these days," the Fat Lady muttered, swiping open. "You had better find some respect before you go out into the world tomorrow!"

Her words fell on Lily's deaf ears as she sped across the common room and up to the girls' dormitory. She silently slipped into her room, but just as she snuck over to her bed, her trainer fell to the floor with a thud. Luckily, Mary and Arabella remained blissfully asleep, but, of course, Alice, always alert Alice, sprung awake. In a flash, her wand pointed squarely at Lily's chest, before sleep dissolved from her eyes and she saw her tear-stained, cloak-covered friend. With a slight nod, she turned over in her bed, leaving Lily to her tears.

Lily quickly pulled on some clothes, discarding the ones from the night before in her half-packed trunk. Then, she sunk to her bed and pulled her knees up to her chest, clutching the cloak on which his scent still lingered to her chest.

She stayed in her trance for hours, as her roommates rose, finished packing, and went to the Great Hall for breakfast, all while casting nervous glances at her. Alice gave her knee a squeeze before leaving, saying, "I'll come get you when the train's here."

"Thanks, Alice," she whispered.

Then there was silence.

Pure, agonizing silence.

Her fingers wrapped around the bracelet, the lily assaulting her with its scent. With trembling fingers, she unclasped it, throwing it into the open trunk. Then she sat, his cloak twisted in her hands.

Alice came back an hour later and found Lily in the same position she had left her in. She finished packing for her, methodically folding the rest of her robes and arranging her books. She picked up the bracelet and looked at it curiously, before grabbing the one jewelry box in the trunk, expecting that to be its home. Her eyes widened with shock when they lighted open the engagement ring. She cast a questioning look at Lily, but she did not see it through her curtain of red hair. She placed the bracelet carefully around the ring and closed the box, unknowingly placing both of Lily's loves together. With a resounding thump, she shut the trunk and grabbed its handle.

"Lets go, Lily," she said coaxingly, wrapping her arm around her friend's still shaking shoulders and pulling her out of the room.

Lily walked in a haze, supported by Alice, down the stairs, through the common room, and out the front door of the castle for the last time. Halfway down the path to Hogsmeade station, Alice turned to the distraught girl beside her.

"Lily, look at me," she said, forcing Lily to train her tear-soaked eyes on her. "I don't know what happened last night, and I don't want you to know. But James is worried sick after you didn't come down for breakfast and if he sees you like this, he'll kill Severus for sure. Sirius told him you were with him last night and he was muttering not so veiled threats into his pumpkin juice this morning. So pull it together." She produced a handkerchief and wiped at Lily's eyes, before pulling out her wand and casting a charm to clear up the botches and puffiness. "There, you look normal. Now keep it that way."

Lily set her shoulders, determined to not dissolve into tears again. She even attempted to put a smile on her face when James spotted her and came running up.

"Where were you?" he asked urgently, searching her face for any damage. "Why weren't you at breakfast? Did Snape do anything to you? I'll kill him for you, just tell me what he did and I'll be more than willing to kill him."

"James, stop." Lily said, placing a hand on his chest. "Severus didn't do anything. We were just talking and lost track of time. I was too tired when I got back to the dormitory that I went start to sleep and skipped breakfast to finish packing."

"So Snivelly didn't do anything to you?"

"No, he didn't. Don't threaten Severus like that, James."

"Oh, Lily, always sticking up for the loser. But I wouldn't love you as much if you didn't."

"I think I would love you a little more if you would try to do the same thing," Lily tried to say lightly, but there was an edge to her voice she couldn't remove.

"Would you now?" James asked playfully, oblivious to her tone. "Then I might have to try it." He pressed a kiss to her frozen lips.

"Are you sure you're alright? You're a little distant today." He pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear, studying her face.

She quickly turned her face away. "Yeah," she said unsteadily, "I'm just sad to be leaving, you know."

"I know. But we'll be alright," James assured her, kissing her fingertips lightly, "especially when we get married."

A loud clatter behind them startled them apart. Lily turned to see Severus on his knees, hastily throwing his belongings back into the trunk he must have dropped when he heard James. Lily's heart constricted as laughter rang around her.

"Be careful with that thing, Snivellus," James called. "Wouldn't want you to break someone's foot just because you're not strong enough to hold up a trunk?"

Lily mentally corrected him, recalling just how strong Severus' arms were. But those thoughts brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes. She pulled at James' arm, moving closer to the platform, distinctly avoiding his eyes so he wouldn't see her tears.

After what seemed like a lifetime, the Hogwarts Express finally arrived and James ushered Lily on, followed closely by the rest of the Marauders. They found an empty compartment near the back of the train and piled in, stowing their things and finding seats. Lily sat closest to the door, with James and Sirius next to her. They quickly delved into some conversation on Quidditch that Lily had no interest in, so she looked out the door at the classmates she would probably never see again after that day.

His black eyes held hers before she realized that she was looking at him. They bore into her soul, as if deploring her to answer Why? But then they were gone, disappeared into a compartment filled with others Lily was sure were Death Eaters. A tear trickled down her cheek, but she wiped it away before turning towards James, the man she was to marry, and away from Severus, the Death Eater who would always hold her heart.

* * *

For nineteen years, Severus Snape had avoided the Astronomy Tower entirely. Despite a brief and entirely physical relationship with Aurora Sinistra in the early years of the decade when she was new to the post, he had always insisted that she come to his living quarters in the dungeons. He could never go back to the Astronomy Tower, not if she wasn't with him.

But now there he was, about to lose what small amount of his soul that had not died with her on Dumbledore's order. He had balked when his aged mentor had made the ghastly request, but knew that he would do it. He would do anything, even kill the only man who knew who he really was, if it meant keeping the boy safe in the long run.

The boy. Oh, how he had loathed that boy from the moment he saw him walk into the Great Hall. He was every bit Potter's son. Arrogant and self-important, despite any amount of true magical talent.

But even thinking that while looking out over the grounds, Severus knew none of it was true. He was purely his mother, there was no question of it. He was just as kind and just as defensive of those who could not defend themselves. He had the looks of Potter, but the heart of Lily. And so, he could not truly loathe the boy. He could only loathe what he represented, the physical embodiment of all that Severus had lost.

But he would always try to protect the boy. One look into those eyes, those eyes that he had loved for years, those eyes that he would always love, and he knew he would protect him. He would protect him because of her. He would protect him for her.

He looked around the tower, the irony of the situation striking him. It was here that Lily had believed he had lost his soul and it was here that in mere hours, he truly would lose it. But that was fitting, he supposed. He had given her his heart here, and now he would give her his soul. He would be entirely hers, irreversibly, unequivocally hers.

He stood exactly where he had been when he told her he loved her, looking out over the grounds as the sun set just as he had so many years ago. Reaching into the pocket of his robes, he pulled out a delicate, goblin-forged bracelet with an enchanted lily charm that made his heart clench just looking at it. On the night she had died, on the night when the world as he knew it turned upside-down, he had found himself in Godric's Hollow, clutching her, willing her to breathe again. Much to his surprise, he discovered that she was still wearing the bracelet. With shaky hands, he had unclasped it, needing that last piece that connected them entirely. Now, he clutched at it as tightly as he had clutched at her lifeless body, the scent of the lily gagging him.

Closing his eyes, he fell back into memories of that night. No pensieve was necessary, the memories were so clearly burned into his brain. He could feel the silkiness of her skin, smell her hair as he pressed his nose into it, taste her lips against his, feel the shudder of her body under his. The memories plagued him, tried to wrap their cruel fingers around him and send him spiraling into grief-filled madness. With a yell of frustration and anguish, he threw the bracelet from him and spun on those bloody cushions that still sat in the corner of the tower.

"Incendio!" he cried, and fire spurted from the tip of his wand, igniting the moldy cushions instantly. He watched them burn with a grim sense of validation. If his world went up in smoke, so could his memories.

He wiped the few tears that had slipped from his eyes away quickly before disappearing below. Dumbledore and the boy would be back at any moment and he needed to be ready.

Severus tried to push the image of her accusing green eyes from his mind as he listened to Draco struggle above him, egged on by the exceedingly annoying, yet frightening Bellatrix.

"No," he said forcefully as he stepped out of the shadows, appraising Dumbledore while pointing his wand at his chest.

"Severus, please," the wizened wizard spoke softly, and every fiber of his being screamed at him, begging him not to do what he knew, what he had always known, he would do.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he thought, before he forced the Killing Curse from his mouth and the green stream of light hit Albus straight in the chest.

He could not look at the man as he fell from the tower. He turned on his heel and ushered the Death Eaters out, all while his mind screamed at him in agony. That was the first time he had allowed himself to even think her name in fifteen years, and it would be the last. The pure waves of grief that washed over him, nearly doubled him over, ensured that. She was gone entirely now, and he had no one to blame but himself. Any goodness that she had ever given him was gone. But as long as it saved her son, he would accept his black fate. So he walked away from Hogwarts without her once again, to go serve Voldemort once again, but this time in order to defeat him.

Below the Astronomy Tower, the cold, lifeless form of Albus Dumbledore lay, next to a delicate, goblin-forged bracelet with an enchanted lily charm.


End file.
